Feliz Navidad

'Tis the season.....

I woke up to a smiling, happy day. Julian was next to me and our new toy. We named him Felipe.
Julian's parents called and we chatted about the trip to Panama planned for next Octoberish.

But not everything has been unicorns and rose petals. Yesterday was a hard day for me. I have this feeling Christmas brings about these feelings of insecurity as well as joy and love for lots of people, not just me.

For starters Julian has passed out on the couch for the past few nights and I miss him in bed, but I've adapted and taken very fondly to a human size pillow to snuggle with. It feels like he doesn't share his feelings or his ideas or his plans for life. But that's part of why I love him. It's always a surprise and never a dull moment.

Sometimes, I get scared that this baby was hurt since I went diving a couple of times in the first 4 months of this babies life, since I didn't know I was carrying. It really does feels like a huge responsibility all of a sudden, but I'm ready! Bring on the greatest adventure yet!

All these doubts in my mind, about how I'm going to provide for the baby and get ready to be a mom lead me to take it out on Julian and get him wrapped up in my somewhat overwhelming negativity.
I lead myself down a road where I'm lost and and frightened about my decisions leading up to this point in my life, when it's all fairly overly dramatic. But sometimes I wonder "Where have all my friends gone?."
Slowly but surely everyone I care about has dropped out of my life. I've been too obsessed with work and traveling the world to make roots. To make a life, a career, a clean, perfect little package that will fit into society.

Sometimes I fell that I don't have that many friends in my life, whom I love.
Unfortunately, it's not due to me being an asshole, but a wanderer and a vagabond and a workaholic for a company that had no loyalty to me. My dad always said "Consider yourself lucky if you have as many close friend as you have fingers on your one hand". Well Julian is showing me that it's just as important to maintain a close social network of support as it is to have a family.

In 2016, it's a year of transition, the year of the Monkey. Going from one extreme to the next : vagabond to motherhood. If I've learnt anything from the events I've encountered over the last couple of months it's that I need to find some more mom friends with BeautiFULL bellies and a support network in this community to help me raise a baby. It takes a village.

It was a sad day yesterday for me, needing comfort and friends that I couldn't find. Lesson learnt.

On that note, thanks for listening to my ranting and raving and somewhat depressing BLOG post. But I have everything to look forward to and I will have my very best and smallest best friend with me now and forever.

I felt it kick last night. With cold chills and hot sweats in the middle of the night. Really weird. So far everything seems to be moving along. I'm nearly 140lbs at the moment which means I'm gaining the weight. Bring on mommy fat :)

Over and out, Feliz Navidad!

Exactly 2 weeks

It's been exactly two weeks today that we found out we're having a baby. It feels like the longest two weeks of my life. I've quit drinking and smoking and doing anything bad whatsoever to my body, trying to make up for the first 4 months that I didn't know.

My baby is about the size of a turnip now. Haven't felt any kicks yet. I guess if it was 16 weeks and 5 days two weeks ago then it's about 18 weeks and 5 days now. They say during the first birth you can feel the baby kick around 20-25 weeks.

There has been lots of ideas running around in my head. All kinds of things good and bad about how this pregnancy will change our lives. I'm trying to stick with the positive and keep good thoughts going strong.

I've made approx 4 bibs and 2 onesies already and I'm hoping to make a travel change pad, and some receiving blankets as well. Possibly some more onesies but they're hard and take a little while, nearly 3 hours. But I'm guessing the better I get the faster I'll be able to cut out the pieces and stitch them together.



I've got a tentative job lined up for the new year with the Kingfisher Resort as the guest services Supervisor but I have another interview today with Flight Centre in Courtenay. I'm very interested to find out which way my path will lead with these two positions. Kingfisher has some pretty cool people working there, and the Flight Centre has room for big financial incentives. AHHHH!! When it rains it pours.

Ok. Off to hang out with my mom friend Emily in Campbell River.

Some name ideas for the baby are : Lotus, Rocket, Valley and Pai.

Reality Check

Well, this is when it really hits you. You're in class and trying to figure out what you're going to do with your life. You think about snowboarding and maybe you shouldn't since your baby is 4 months old.
You're always thirsty and having to pee a trillion times a day.

Went for the first Ultrasound with Julian the day after I found out I was pregnant from Dr.Shoesmith. Then it was real. We saw the baby for the first time. It was just a little peanut in there although they could have told us the sex if we'd requested it.

Julian drove us home and all of a sudden I started to get hot headed and wheezy. Then BAM!! I puked all over the front seat of the car. On my shoes and everything. Jules pulled over and I got out and puked the rest of the food that was left it my stomach. YUP. It's real. No joke. A BABY!

Anyway, that bring us to the present day scenario. I got a call from the doctor my ultrasound was spot on. Everything was in order so far. Placenta in the right place and the baby had 10 fingers and 10 toes! WAHOO!

Off to Montreal this weekend for my brothers wedding. Going to break the news while we're there. Not sure how or when but it's going to happen while the whole family is together. Don't want it to rain on my brothers parade though so I'm going to keep it on the DL.

Julian is the best man a woman could ever ask for. So supportive and sweet and kind. He's the roots and I feel like I'm wind in the leaves sometimes. Hanging off a stem attached the the branch connect to the trunk held together by the roots. Never know what I'm going to think of next. Time to smarten up and live like a momma, a friend and a partner in life.

All of a sudden i feel the weight of the world. It's not just me to take care of now. It's us. I'm scared but not alone. I hope my little body can handle it. Trying to think positive is the best way.

I didn't ask for this, it's  a blessing and a miracle. I'm going to roll with it and hope for the best. Over n out till next update.

Yoga belly bulge

15 weeks and 5 days pregnant on 04 Dec 2015.

I had no idea up until this point. A tiny feeling that something was wrong with my body. I felt bloated and huge and overweight. I was hitting up the gym like a mad woman with step classes and Body Pump and Eliptical extravaganzas.

I cut out gluten and bread thinking that I was allergic to it. Took some laxatives thinking I was constipated. I tried to poop my baby out!

Then one day after a yoga class, I felt a huge bulge in my tummy and knew that I had a problem. I called the doctor and he just happened to have a cancelation in a couple of hours. Of course, I went into the doctor and explained in detail my situation.

He asked if I had tested for a pregnancy. Nope. Why? Which leads me to discuss the past events leading up to this situation. I haven't had a regular period since as long as I can remember. I have very little body fat, was an avid Crossfit Athlete and spend many moon traveling and living abroad. Which lead me to believe I was infertile.

And to top it all off I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome when I was 19. I had numerous operations to get cysts removed which I'm guessing was relatively successful.

I had a gyno appt a couple years ago and he said I probably will never have children. I accepted this.
When I went for a pap in June 2015 and they said it came back abnormal, and I was scheduled for another screening a couple months later with Cancer in my Uterus. They scheduled me for a LEEP at the beginning of Sept 2016 which was a painful procedure but had to be done. Then I was recommended to a specialist to get a hysterectomy before the Cancer decides to come back.

I went back to Dr. Bagdan again at the end of Oct for a check up and all the cancer was gone. My biopsy was sent to Victoria and they decided that I was going to be ok. Next thing you know I'm know 15 weeks and 5 days preggo. I was pregnant during this whole ordeal. If that's not a miracle then I don't know what is!

No deployment for me.