Lawrence Atlas Robillard Born 22 Dec at 3am

I am officially an Auntie and my brother is a dad! Whoa. What an incredible year of adventure and excitement.
We are leaving for Panama in t-minus 10 days and we're getting excited. Indianna has no idea what lies in store for her over the next couple of months. Exploration, adventure and heat.

Taco has Mange and has gapping wounds and patches of mites all over her back. I feel so bad. She's losing her health very fast partly due to missing a leg but also b/c of the cheap food i'm feeding her. It's so tough because she's been puking up everywhere since we got her nearly 2 years ago. I have tried all kinds of food and this food she still pukes up too. No matter how good quality i think it's just her gag reflex or something.

Anyway, hard to know what to do.

Todd might be moving in tomorrow with his two kids for a bit. Just until we leave, so it's going to be a full house. I don't mind though, as he is great and so are his awesome lil munchkins.

Deck the Halls

Jingle bells and Santa Smells, Christmas is on the way.

This year is Indianna's first Christmas and we will be spending it with her cousins over in Powell River. Tobin is nearly 4 years old in Janurary and the twins will be 3. She's the baby of the family so far and taking to the position very well I'd say. We don't have a traditional Christmas Tree this year but we in the xmas spirit just the same. I've made wreaths this year with cedar, spruce, holly and white pine. They are sweet.
I've also DIY cookies and DIY brownies in mason jars for a little something to give away to those we love most. Although they aren't gluten free, or refined sugar free they taste good.

Indianna has been pulling herself around doing the military shuffle. Pulling her legs with her arms she's getting mighty strong. She loves the water. We went to the Aquatic Centre again for the second time yesterday in her short little life and she loved it. She squealed with delight when we bounced up and down.

It never fails that everywhere I go someone says " Wow. She's such a happy baby." That's my girl. Off to Panama in less than a month and I am so excited. I need the sunshine and the warm air and the beach. I'm excited to see Indi play with the puppies and the sand and taste the ocean water. She's going to be a changed baby and 2 months in the tropics is going to change her, to help her grow. What a lucky little girl.

Picked up a pair of 100% silk pjs at Value Village yesterday. Man, are they ever a sweet deal. They are a man's large so I really hope that Julian takes them and wears them, in Panama. They are a steal of a deal. If he doesn't take them I think Jean Pierre might be the next lucky recipient of these gems.

Starting to eat on her own. Now loves those little refillable bags of homemade food 

No new little baby cousins yet

Indianna is getting excited for 3 things:

1- Her new little cousin that is coming into this world. Already making a fashionably late appearance. 10 days late to be exact. Come on lil buddy we're all waiting for you.

2- Her first Christmas with presents and trees and candy and snow.

3- Her first overseas trip to Panama. She's been trying on all sorts of outfits for the beach and the hikes and the downtown city life. She's a little bit worried about the tanlines from the diapers and considering learning to potty train so she doesn't have to wear one. What a big girl!

She's getting her first two top teeth at this stage of her life. The big 7 monther that she is. She's also taking a real fancy to riding on moms back all day, except when she's nursing or sucking back yummy organic food that we have so carefully prepared for her. Seriously, only our baby gets the best stuff.

Indi is proving to be a very happy baby. Always smiling and happy to meet strangers. One woman at the bookstore couldn't take her eyes off Indi. She said " Wow. Your baby is really cute. I mean really cute. What a lil munchkin face!". Yup there you have it folks my lil munchkin getting too cute for her own good. I mean look at this picture.....

7 months going on 16

Snow Day

It's December 1st today and the beginning of the first holiday season with baby. Whoa! It all started with an amazing drive up to the Mountain after a treacherous storm of wind and rain down below in our little valley.

Julian, Indi and I drove up to the Raven Lodge and played with some Whiskey Jacks in the snow. The new snow tires on the Jetta made it a very safe fun and family friendly adventure. Even Joey was smiling! It's so great to feel the freedom of having a HUGE mountain 30 minutes away from your house.

Here are the pictures to prove how much fun was had.

My little Stinkerbell is already 6 months

She is beautiful. People stop me everywhere I go to tell me how beautiful my baby is. I'm a very proud momma. Started training for my new casual position at the Travel Vaccination and Medical Clinic. It's fun but I see it getting boring, very, very fast. But fun.

Indi has been pushing out two bottom baby teeth for about 3 weeks now. It's so cute, her little baby teeth. She's eaten blueberries and mashed up Minestrone. Oh and she's a huge fan of the squash.

Indi at 6 months asleep on Papa 

Papa has been taking care of her for a couple mornings a week while I'm working and it's working out well. At the moment I'm trying to sleep train her off the boob. I didn't realize but some bad habits are forming with her falling asleep with my boob in her mouth. I can't get her to sleep any other way. Although she's a great sleeper and passes out for good 5-6 hour stretches at night, the later she goes to bed the later she wakes up. I'd like to have an hour or two to myself at night.
Hence me writing this blog at 10:30pm. She only likes to go to bed around 9:30pm. Alas, she's my baby! And she can pretty much do anything she wants cause I LOVE HER THAT MUCH. But the book I'm reading explains it really well and the cry sleep training in the beginning will only help her get her much needed growth sleep in the future. I'm helping her you see when she cries at night. Argh, it sucks.

Anyway, exhausted and elated mom signing off. Another day of rain tomorrow but counting down the days to Panama on 15 Jan! Ps. Check out the photo below. This was at Casa Ramirez in Panama. Our first day in Panama in 2013. My how time has changed.

Itsy Bitsy Baby Went around the World

Indianna is officially 5 months old in 2 days. She's the queen of my heart and I love her to bits. It's indescribable the amount of love a mother has for her child. I could never have imagined the path that my life was going to take but I'm so very blessed.

Indi's health and progress update up to this point:

Where in the world is Indianna?

• 14.5 lbs fully clothed with a diaper on.
• She's grabbing her feet and squealing 
• Blowing and sputtering spit bubbles 
• We can pee her in the morning and sometimes catch a poop after a fart or two. T-minus 4 farts then we know she's going to blow
• She full on belly laughs when we tickle her armpits
• She is the friendliest baby in the world, and smiles a lot for strangers
• Indianna is the best sleeper: At night she's out for 5 hour intervals in her own crib. Asleep by 9-9:30pm every night and up again at approx 2:30am, then sleeps again till morning. I'm so blessed.
• She has tasted everything we eat, but obviously no solids. She loves grapes squirted in her mouth as well as little cherry tomato juice squirts too. She's a fiend for squash and Thanksgiving Mashed potatoes.
• She loves bath time with her little duckies from Grandnan Lynn
• Her eyes are still a bluish grey and she runs really hot. I swear her internal temperature is higher than normal. We sweat together when we're in naked in bed. Ugh. Wonder what Panama is going to be like.
• She loves the Jolly Jumper too. Usually in it for once a day at least. Plus we HAVE to get out of the house at least once a day too otherwise we're dealing with a monster come mid afternoon.

Also I made dinner for the first time last night with her on my back. It was freedom like I haven't felt since she was born. Being hands free without a baby in room crying for attention was a big step. I felt very productive. I'm excited for this new stage of back baby wearing. These are exciting times coming up.

Baby Indi is already 3.5 months

My baby my baby! 

I'm torn between wanting you to be my baby forever and 

being excited to find out who you're going to grow up to be. 

I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!

Miracle on 1150 1st Street

My contractions started on Sunday evening around 4pm. Very sporadic and random. Wasn't even sure that was what they were. Julian was at Marcus' and I called him and ask him to get me some tylenol on the way home. I called Laya and she said take a gravel at night to help me sleep and some tylenol and call her in the morning.

That was the worst night of my life. I couldn't get comfortable, I went from our room to the basement room to the bathtub into the shower and back again 'till 6am at which time I called Laya. She arrived around 7:30 am and my contractions were approx one minute long every 5 mins. Painfully fuckers.

Anyhow, my parents arrived at around 9am and sat at the kitchen table watching me pace back and forth in pain until about 2pm. Then my contractions just stopped. Our whole bedroom was set up for a home birth and I was ready but my mind and body weren't. I climbed up and down the stairs a million times, went out to the garden to relax but nothing. I was worried what if this poor little baby is stuck. Laya said she was under the law to admit me to hospital b/c she can't exactly go in and move the baby into position. If there were complications she would be liable... blah blah blah.

We all headed to the hospital where I was strapped in and given some drugs to kickstart the contractions again. Then the gyno examined me and said the scar tissue at my cervix was stopping me from getting fully dilated. As well as the position of the babies head was not fitting through my pelvic bones.
I was 9 cm dilated but they decided that babies heart rate was low and she was under quite a bit of stress. Not to mention that I had been up now for 24 hours and under nourished. I had a total of one glass of maple water during that time. The caesarean must be preformed and at this point I was like "GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME DAMMIT!!"

They rolled me into the surgery room and gave me an epidural. Weirdest feeling in the world where you can't feel your legs and cut me open to pull out my baby miracle girl. Julian was right by my side the whole time. Not the natural birth of my dreams but a healthy beautiful girl none the less. Indianna was born at 7pm on May 16th and I stayed in the hospital for 2 days afterward then back again b/c she had jaundice. It was quite the ride and I couldn't have done it alone. Well I guess I could have but definitely didn't want to. So much love here.

Back at the hospital getting UV treatment for Jaundice

At the hospital

False Alarm

After a visit with Laya at the hospital yesterday she tested my "leakage" and it's just the extra juices flowing from me b/c I'm getting ripe.

There was no amniotic fluid detected. Therefore, false alarm. We proceeded to head out down the street for 2 scoops of Gelato on a waffle cone. Julian had Dolce Latte and White Raspberry Chocolate, and I had Cherry and Chocolate. Mmmmm heaven in your mouth.

Newest names to consider are : Desmond, River and Solomon. Well River has always been a fav. I also like Topaz, Opal, Ayo, and Ayana.

I'm feeling pre contractions kinda of or whatever it is it's only happens every so often. Maybe 4 a day, and I'm super leaky too. But I think the body is just doing it's job and getting ready for the inevitable miracle explosion.
I'm officially 39 weeks tomorrow according to the docs, midwives and ultrasounds.

Put the crib together yesterday, so I'm ready. Bring it on!

Leaking mommy

Last night I was casually reading my book "Cutting of Stone" in bed, while Taco was snuggling near my feet. I was in the middle of a great chapter when BAM! Taco pukes everywhere. At least a litre of digested cat food all over the duvet cover. Gross! I felt bad for the pour little fur ball, but at the same time I wished she would get this eating disorder under control.

I stripped the duvet cover off and tossed it in the wash. On the way back up from the basement, I felt some leakage between my legs. Then I sat on the toilet and gush... a splash of water and the "mucus plug". I'm guessing my water broke, I mean what else could it be. The mucus plug wasn't as gross as it sounds. It was literally a tiny bit of blood mixed with water that fell into the toilet. Then I started to wonder, how much more water can come out. It continued to gradually leak for the next hour or so.

I fell asleep as usual and woke up normally around 7am. I started to make some yummy cinnamon rhubarb muffins for my visit with Cari and Mike at 10am. It was going to be the first time I visit their new house with Julian and I was excited. But then hear came the sneeze, and ACHOOOOO, water all over the kitchen floor. Well maybe I'm being a little dramatic but I sure did leak again.

I called Laya, our midwife and described my situation. She asked me to squat down and see if any water leaks out. I did and sure enough a trickle of a tablespoon or two of water came out. She suggested I meet her at the hospital and we test out the fluid to make sure that it is indeed amniotic fluid. So off to the hospital we go for 10:30am. Will keep ya posted. 

My very first mothers day

Today is a very special day. 

Today, I can say I celebrated my very first mothers day. 

At 38 weeks, the countdown has begun. I haven't felt any contractions yet or even really know what to look for in the beginning for the first signs of labour. I do know that I'm feeling mighty round and bulbous. No real swelling to talk of but the most wildly vivid dreams about babies and children and the act of making them.... I won't get into great detail but it's definitely an interesting way to wake up in the morning.





Spend some time with my lovely parents yesterday for mothers day and my partner Julian and our friend Cayman. It was really chilled out and relaxing. I find myself slowing down these days although the garden season is just ramping up.

The hardware to the crib is in the mail and should be arriving anyway now. Once the crib is put together then we can visualize the baby sleeping in it and it makes everything all that much more real.

There are so many projects on the go including selling my 97 volkswagen, fixing up my house and raising the rent, and trying to process as much possible food from the garden as possible to store for winter. Needless to say life is just getting more and more exciting everyday :)

Julian just mentioned that one of his moms fav names for a girl is Asia. I really like that name too. We haven't come up with any names yet, just tossing around some ideas.

The other day we went to Powell River for a lovely visit with the inlays. Trista made us Quinoa Chocolate Cake AND Carrot Cake. It was epic. She has 3 boys under the age of 3. Tobin(3), Rowan(2) and Riel(2) and truly is an amazing person. Eden definitely does his fair share too. What a power couple.

While we were visiting  PR, Jules and I went for a walk on the beach before the ferry and Julian found a quarter. The quarter had a picture of a man name Brock. Apparently, the Brock on the coin was Sir Issac Brock a general from the war of 1812. I thought about it and mentioned " That would be a cool name for a kid". Julian mentioned that there is a ultimate fighting champion who is a bit of a meathead. But then he said possibly Brock would be a good name. Brock Leblanc. Middle name : Lee.

We have quite a sense of humour. It has gotten many laughs from our friends. Ok. Over and out until next time.

Visualizations and post ultrasound at 37ish weeks

Baby is in perfect condition. Head down, bum up.

There was no need for alarm. I'm frustrated with my Midwife Joanne and her quick reaction to send me to the Hospital right away on a hunch that the baby was breach. I would have expected her to want to consult the other midwives first in this circumstance. Of course, I can understand her concern but I mean whisking me off to the doctors again at 37 weeks seemed like a bit of a cop out.

I bet most of the midwives at Plum could've touched me the right way to verify the position of the baby. I mean it's been head down now since week 32.

Anyway, off to Powell River today to soak up some sunshine and family time. I'll leave you with my visualization posters for the birth room when we get underway. Apparently it helps a lot to imagine things opening up and getting really big.

Ps. Julian shaved off his beard yesterday, and he looks so buff!

37ish weeks

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear"

This is the latest quote that resonates with me. I truly believe that this child has already taught me more than I will ever be able to teach it. Although I'll do my darnedest to create a safe, loving and creative environment for this little bean.

Joanne, the midwife visited the house today. She tested my blood pressure and told me that everything was under control. I tested negative for group B strep which is an added bonus. Although she poked and prodded my belly and believes that the lil bean has moved around now and is in the breach position. Which is going to make it difficult to give birth naturally, as it's illegal for midwives in BC to deliver a breached baby. Therefore, I'm scheduled for another ultrasound tomorrow morning and we will find out then if it is truly the case.

The options we have then will be discussed but if the midwife can't move the baby to the right position then we will have to look at other medical alternatives.

Yesterday was a glorious day in the sun on Tree Island. We took out Rowans sailboat with his 2 brothers and Cher. It was a perfect 20C and sunny. It was so much fun. Here are a few magical shots.

Mantras at 35 weeks yesterday

"Remember: With every contraction, you're closer to meeting the new member of your family"

"Breath deep, and longer and open wider and wider and wider, you are opening so big and wide"

"Trust: My body knows what to do, and every mother since Eve has conquered this feat."

"Power: My body is not working against me, I am my body"

"Relax: I am safe and my baby is safe"

"Patience: This is just one day. I can do anything for one day. This will not last forever"

"Relax: Open, Open, Open"

"Trust: Our baby know how to and when to be born"

Mantras on my mind. I'm thinking about all the sayings that are going to ride me through the wave of this pregnancy. I'm going to envision what I want to happen. I going to dilate huge and push my sweet baby out with all my might.

The contractions aren't bigger than me, they are me. I'm making them happen. They represent how strong I am.
I'm feeling baby kick and punch and dance up a storm in my stomach. Truly this is a very active time in the birth. I feel pretty normal, more normal than I did at 6 months, but I am getting to full term and feeling full and heavy too. It's getting harder and harder to wake up and go to work.

Speaking of work,

I have approx 550 hours right now and need 600 hours to get maternity leave. I am pushing through. I'm going to be done by the 29 April, if not sooner. The Kingfisher really needs me right now as they are very short staffed with one girl in Italy and another who quit. But I think I'm going to have to pull out sooner than later. It's a demanding job dealing with all types of personalities and standing on my feet 8 hours a day for a measly 13$ and hour.

I am really on a mission to try and find something that I can make and sell to subsidize my living costs and stay at home with the baby within the next few years. Something will come up if I think about it hard enough.

The garden is coming along beautifully and it's only a matter of time before all our meals are coming from the backyard. So exciting!!! Here's a picture of me in the back, well a few pictures at 35 weeks :)

My baby bump makes a great beer holder!!

Sunday Sunday at 34 weeks

What a gorgeous day! It was 18C and sunny today. I planted some seeds, hung out in a hammock, and made pizza. Emily and baby Maverick came by for a visit.

The baby is an active little monkey and constantly kicking my right side. As I sit here and type this there are some major belly rolls going on down there. I have really, really bad heartburn at the moment too, but that is nothing new. They say that it gets a little more difficult near the end and I can see why. I didn't think that I would be the one to say my feet are swelling or my heartburn in ferocious but I am and it does.

Other than swollen feet, very emotional days after work, heartburn, a little anxiety about how my life is about to change and the kicking, constant hardcore ninja jabs into my side, everything is running smoothly. I have approx 2 more weeks of work to go. Which will be a relief once that is over and I can start to collect maternity. This job is so draining and I'm about to topple over these days. Weighing in at approx 155 lbs. That means I've gained about 40lbs so far in the pregnancy.

I sometimes really thing it's a girl because of all the movement and sideways kicks. Plus all my dreams that I've been having have a little baby boy in them so who knows. We will just have to wait and see. I'm so excited!

We had our first BBQ of the year a couple of nights ago. I picked up some chicken and turkey and Julian smoked everything to divine deliciousness. It was a great surprise to come home to after work.

It's April 10 today and I got a tan at 18C

I am wearing bathing suit bottoms here I swear!